Not Quite Calorie-Free
By Bartan Tirix

	The red dragon stepped off the bus and out into the suburbs, taking a deep breath that was a little more than just your standard inhale. Even through the pouring rain that just didn't bother her in the slightest, but she had to remember to exhale at least this time. The maid outfit she was required to wear tended to reveal a little more than she was used to, especially with the deep breaths. And the last thing she needed was another fine for public... "Displaying".
	Honestly, it was one of the very few things that irked the red one. Nearly getting her to twist those whiskers on the sides of her snout as she walked up the driveway. Hoping one day she could afford a bigger umbrella that would cover her long slender form a bit more. Perhaps get one of those that attached like a backpack or onto the shoulders, that way she didn't have to stuff all her cleaning supplies into one large case.
	But regardless, she made it up to the rather ridiculously large house. Really, it was more of a mansion, just built like a cross between a mobile home and a small skyscraper. Hardly looking safe, but the Professor did have the inspection papers to prove that it somehow was.
	Granted, 'Professor' of what, Xia never knew. She did attempt to ask the strange one such a thing over the phone, but he simply avoided the question. To be honest, she never met Mr. Fishsticks in person, due to him apparently being on vacation. Which was why he needed a maid to look after his home and feed his pet rocks... Which only in turn confused the eastern looking dragon, because the food she left out for them actually disappeared everyday!
	Yes, this was a very strange client indeed, but somehow reliable. Even though he clearly stated he was going to be paying the dragon in 'Sneezes' of all things, but her payment envelope did contain the correct currency for the days’ work. How it got there while Professor Fishsticks was on vacation? Just another strange thing about this household.
	The key worked, even though it was still made out of soft playdough. Opening the large double doors to a rather pleasant entry hall with a set of splitting stairs. In the center of such a stairway was a large portrait of the white wolf himself, still donning the plaque of 'Fishsticks. Professor. Teacher. Mediocre Chef.' One that seemed to have been vandalized with a fake black mustache and monocle, with the signature "Stashed by Binky."
	Just another mystery that Xia could not figure out, but the Professor didn't seem too concerned by such a thing. Even after asking if she should attempt cleaning it, but he only warned her that she might be 'taken to the Forehead Smack'. Though his tone was lighthearted, she took it as 'Smarten up'.
	Thus it was left as is, unable to help herself but stare at it for a few moments while the nearby heaters dried Xia off. Putting away her umbrella and pulling out the folded map from the large case, the dragon maid looked at her progress. The ground floor was completely done over the past four days, along with the second and third floor as well. 4 through 26 were rather small in comparison, at least.
	Still, it was time to get to work cleaning up the... Laboratory room? Usually labs were in the basement of such a place, or was it just a bathroom? The red one just shrugged and lugged the large bag up the few sets of stairs. Seeing many pictures along the walls, usually of the same wolf in funny hats and once in a while a picture of a sockpuppet.
	But it wasn't the maid's job to judge the odd decor, seeing a few shelves along the way that could use some dusting and cleaning up some... Flax seeds? That appeared to have either been tossed around or possibly exploded somewhere and gotten behind a set of clocks. All having their own sets of time that didn't have anything common about them. At first, Xia thought they were for different timezones, but they were sometimes more than an hour apart, or usually less.
	They all still worked, it appeared. Surprising for how antique they looked. Regardless, the dragon worked until she reached the door to the lab, entering to find more of a storage room than a typical lab. A few counters and work benches with several things that clearly didn't quite make sense to her. A set of test tubes measured in what she could only guess was in girth, whereas the numbers never seemed to increase. A random toaster that's seen better days, as well as a toaster oven that had likely one too many encounters with combustion.
	A washing machine that was absolutely filthy on the inside, used to make... Bread? Something doughy. A set of old floppy disks, the really really big ones. Several left shoes with the laces missing and half-hazardly replaced with velcro so they would stick together, only to find out there was actually plants growing inside the shoes. Xia should've been more surprised at such a mess, but it was honestly just like any other room so far.
	Though the smell could be a little better, opening up the small window in the corner and putting on the fan that fit directly into the frame. Making sure it was actually sucking the air out before leaving it and starting to dust the many large shelves. Nearly knocking over a series of small metal bars with the feather duster, before something caught the attention of her yellow eyes; a box labeled PEACHES.
	It honestly concerned the maid, if there were actually fruits in such a thing then they must be rotten by now. This place would hardly be considered Refrigerated enough to preserve such a thing, so getting rid of that should take priority. Dusting off the box real quick before opening the lid only to get a heavy scent of... Fresh peppermint?
	Inside were... Crabapples? Small fruits that looked like really large cherries, looking unspoiled and well preserved. That is, until she took one out of the neatly placed rows and realized it was actually made out of plastic or possibly metal. A relief to Xia, honestly, though why was it in a box labeled Peaches?
	A quick wipe on the print actually revealed that it was an acronym. For what? She had no clue, nor could find out anywhere on the wooden box. About to put the fake berry back, the rods she was cleaning before fell off the shelf and crashed on the floor behind her loudly. Making the dragon yelp in surprise, accidently flick the red orb as it bounced off one of the shelf staging and directly down her throat. Instinctively swallowing it before she could think otherwise.
	The eastern one froze in place for a few moments, just taking in what happened. Let alone attempting to quickly come up with an idea of how she could get it out of there safely and untouched, but there was no telling what that might result in. Specifically, a bigger possible mess she would have to clean up. Really, it might just be best to tell Mr. Fishsticks the truth. What harm could accidently swallowing a fake fruit cause? ...Unless it was poisonous.
	Something Xia would tend to after. Quickly picking up the small hollow rods and placing them back on the shelf, she was off to find the real 'laboratory'. Using the downstairs one if she had to, but something felt a little off. She could feel her stomach churning a bit and getting slightly uncomfortable as she moved. Not a very good sign, to the point where she almost wanted to call poison control, however... The dragon didn't know what it was made of.
	That strange pressure hit again before she even got out of the hallway, actually getting the red one to place a paw on her white underside. Feeling it start to become a little tight against her clothing, causing her to stop entirely right in front of a large fancy mirror. Whimpering a bit as she witnessed her long middle start to become rounder while a very faint hiss was heard within herself.
	What exactly was that thing? Regardless, she had to get it out of her belly quickly. Not because of the possible threat that she might burst, but more on the side of possible property damage. Especially when Xia spent precious time observing such a thing in the mirror that the pressure started to gear up, separating her two piece maid suit quite quickly and starting to make the eastern one look like she swallowed a large beach ball.
	It definitely made it harder to run, something Xia was quite experienced with, just not with something that gave off this much pressure. Feeling her ballooning belly almost bounce at the very movements as she dashed for the hallway doorframe, those white plates starting to become very tight before she even reached the ten steps away from the mirror.
	However, the doorway stopped her nearly to a halt as the stretched scales creaked and pressed against the glossy brown wood. Forcing the buildup of air forwards as the red one attempted to slide herself through, and almost panicking when they started to bloat out her sides within the hallway. Pressing into the stretched red and white scales until that belly took the punishment, sending that underside to fill up the lower end of her middle and start to touch the wood floors.
	As much as she tried not to rake the fancy rug under her, Xia needed to get out of this doorway. Using everything she could to attempt to squeeze out of the wooden frame, getting a little bit further with every wiggle but she was running out of time! The dragon was swelling too quickly as the air started to raise up her body, feeling it start to pump into her chest. Threatening her tight top with every second, no matter how much she attempted to exhale the air.
	The large body pillows started to fold out of her revealing shirt, cursing modern fashion design that loved to show cleavage! Feeling the thin strap start to dig into the back of her neck where it was connected-! Wait! That was it! The strap might just be enough to help the bloating dragon through! Desperately fighting with the knot that she tied earlier this morning, not sure why she kept going with double knots with these things, and just barely getting it off as the doorway started to snap.
	The maid top whipped forwards as soon as it could, causing those large white pair of balloons to escape the restrictive shirt with a loud Fwoomp! Bouncing against that still inflating belly and expand freely. The upper clothing was still attached under her arms and across her lower chest, just under those body pillows, but at least they could get around them freely.
	And just as Xia expected, the growing chest blimps started to lock outside the doorway and press against the outer walls. Causing the belly to start doing the same until the dragon started to feel that tautness once again. Making her whimper a bit before feeling the air travel into her hips! Starting to bloat out those red haunches quickly on the inside of the hallway, making her yelp loudly and attempt to push the air back into her frontside.
	But it was no use, the expansion was spreading too quickly for her smaller paws. The doorway could no longer be seen through; her belly and breasts completely filling it. Her hips soon growing wider and wider, along with that once thin tail. Flowing into the base of it and thickening it greatly as it traveled down, bubbling it out around the laced garter until it reached the tip. Then feeling a second wave flow down and finally snap the tail bracelet off, causing that base to swell up drastically compared.
	All while those hips were getting larger and larger, still feeling some swelling in the front end, but her rear was taking the most of it. Causing her to whimper and flinch at every wood split that the frame was making, as well as the fishnet stockings that were nearly cutting into her scales. Xia had to find a way out! Unable to afford such property damage, and she really needed this job!
	However, the once thin dragon could still reach the ground. Clawing at the rug below her and using all her newly gained 'weight', Xia pressed against her belly and bosom as hard as she could. Hearing the rubbery scales creak and groan against the wood, but moving slightly! Giving her hope as she pressed harder and harder, ignoring the constant hissing that she swore was getting louder and more bassy.
	A bit more of a give as most of her belly slipped through, but now her hips were stuck in the doorframe! Trapped around her thinned waist where the mini-skirt was attempting to hold together. At least her front end was taking more of the expansion for the moment, meaning the dragon needed to act quickly! Pressing forwards again, using every she could and trying not to think of the constant snags and rips that her claws were doing, damaging the likely expensive floorwear.
	A little more progress, but that belly and set of body pillows were getting very tight again. Getting Xia to start swinging her thick tail for leverage, sending ripples through her ballooned form and causing her swelled areas to bounce around the harder to lashed out. Yet, it was making progress! Slowly wedging herself through the wooden doorframe, even if it was still snapping from constant splits from time to time.
	It honestly looked like the eastern one was dancing from the view behind, feeling that tail bloat up a bit more and start to get a little longer. Smacking the walls and causing a few paintings to fall down, but she was almost free! Able to actually get her now bloating arms to the other side of the doorway! Just a little harder, a little more swinging, thrashing that behind for progress! Only stopping when she heard that mirror fall and shatter behind her, causing her to flinch and lose a lot of that momentum.
	Nearly cursing at such a thing, Xia attempted to start up again, only to feel her belly start to press against the floor again, which in turn was pushing the dragon's body back into the doorframe. Whimpering loudly before those hips popped backwards and started to swell up greatly, feeling so very tight against the fishnet before getting the stockings to rip apart and her haunches inflate up against the walls.
	Another loud whimper as most of that air started to bloat her tail again, feeling it press up against the ceiling of the hallway while her white frontal orbs started swelling into the large room that lead to the main stairway. Leaving the red one trapped within the doorway which was getting smaller and smaller by comparison. Her shoulders and biceps were taking up a lot of the mass, being slightly cut off by the shoulder straps of her top. Her waistline started to become choked to the point where it was nearly painful, yet whatever she swallowed seemed to have no desire to stop!
	The wood creaked loudly, the hissing only echoed through her spacious form. Growing ever louder like the dragon's massive belly and chest, easily still distinguished by the thick line that restrained such things. Those haunches grew to fit the hallway, while the tail was forced to grow down the path, sending thicker and thicker pulses of air to reform it again and again. Every groan traveled through the house, every creak started to carry a higher and higher pitch! Until-!
	A loud snap was heard, allowing the dragon's front to expand freely while a rag of clothing was launched out from under the large body pillows. Then a second one that caused her waist to slam against the wooden doorframe harshly, causing it to actually break and cave into the wall. The pressure geared up, causing those bloated areas to get very tight as the strange fake fruit continued to pump the dragon over and over. Building up a massive amount of pressure that was going to be released at any moment, and there was nothing Xia could do about it.
	Yet, there was a few quiet moments where she thought such a thing stopped, leaving her trapped in the broken doorway almost holding her breath. Then the pressure returned with a tremendous force, expanding the dragon drastically and causing those breasts to shoot for the 30ft roof and fill out the space within. All while her belly slammed against the far wall and started down the stairs.
	Her tail bolted down the hall and into the storage room, filling it out completely to the point where the sudden increase in pressure shot that fan out the window. Those hips destroyed the hallway like a wrecking ball, flowing into nearby rooms and down under as they continued to swell up like massive balloons. A thick rubbery shine over them as they finally morphed into Xia's restrained sides and belly.
	Debris scattered everywhere while the pressure within the ballooned dragon increased once again, causing her to nearly lose her form entirely as white and red scales rushed from room to room, filling out the space within and blowing out windows from the sudden pressure increase. Not stopping until every corner was occupied and every window had at least each hole in the wall had a massive scaled balloon sticking out of it before moving on to the next room, then the next. Then the next floor! The next floor!
	The staircases were shattered completely on impact, the wooden walls split nearly into splinters at the sheer touch of her ballooned body. Growing bigger and bigger by the moment, as the mansion's own walls started to bend and morph around her! Attempting to contain the massive dragon within its structure, but it wouldn't hold up for long.
	From the outside, it nearly looked like the old wolf's home itself was inflating. Scaled domes of red and white bulging out of every window, from the first floor to the very top. Yet slowly, those scales were getting thinner and thinner, as if they were suddenly oiled and moist. The loud creaks of near quake levels of sound were felt as the two struggled against each other, only for the explosion to be heard acrossed the city.
	Debris scattered everywhere in a shower of metal, wood, and random objects. All while a large draconic blimp kept expanding across the mansion's lot. Now finally able to take most of her shape once again as the air inside was finally free to roam, stretching out the neglected scales that still had plenty of durability left.
	Yet, it still seemed to favor certain areas over others: belly and underside. The twin chest lumps that started to rub against the neighboring home. The large red hills that made Xia's haunches, though most of her body still morphed into one large orb, these two distinguishly bloated out further and further, nearly taking 40% of her volume alone.
	However, that percentage seemed to fluctuate constantly, as that false fruit kept pumping the eastern one bigger and bigger. Soon stretching over two lots, but at least lightweight enough to cover their roofs and do very little damage to them. Feeling something within her hollow bloated form start to shift and make the dragon whimper a bit in question as her cheeks continued to puff outwards, only to hear it.
	Xia's voice started to become more and more pitched. That is, if she could really talk with her inflated neck nearly sealing her muzzle shut, almost feeling her own whiskers take some of the pressure as well. But she began to feel... Lighter. As if the air itself was starting to hold her up.
	Though, it wasn't confirmed until she felt herself start to rotate a bit as the strange object continued to expand the maid. Now being able to see her own shadow on the ground, reaching several lots. Then a sudden pressure increase, slowly pushing that to the entire suburbs. Getting her to whimper again at the mess down below as she continued to swell and draw a crowd.
	Then another strange shift inside, like the air was doing something towards her inflated scales. Like taking a cube of wet ice and drawing along her belly, illuminating a series of lines... No, words? But what could they possibly say? What exactly were those berries for? Thoughts moved from one to another as the odd gasses within shifted constantly, tickling her form as she continued to blimp across the sky. Displaying to all those below in a series of colorful letters:

Eat At Joe's!
Try Our New Slapjacks!
They're Slap-tastic!