The Revenge of Boar Deux

In the far reaches of Spain, in a secluded spot in nature, the swishes of thin metal bellowed in the air. A red eagle lady, moving her feathered hands with calculated beauty and grace, commanded a thin rapier towards her target. The tip of the blade punctured the potato sack body of the dummy she’s fighting against, before moving up to attack the cantaloupe head with a paper mask donning a scribbled face on it to disguise it more as a person. 

She worked herself into a sweat, syncing her movements with the aim of her hand and striking the dummy in multiple angles. Finally, she found her movements starting to slow and rested her feet, catching her breath from the flurry of thrusts. As she wiped the sweat off her brow, she furrowed it. Staring intently at the dummy, she found something lacking. “Esto no está bien”, the eagle spoke to herself. “Something’s missing. My victory in last year’s Animalympics was a show for the ages, a triumph that would be discussed for many years to come.” She held her blade upwards, inspecting it from the hilt to the tip. “But now that it’s done, I’ve created higher and higher expectations for myself. I need to keep up my appearances.” She gripped her sword tightly then gave it a flick before turning her back from the dummy. “Que sera, sera,” she uttered with a sigh before walking away, leaving her private training grounds.

	However, from the bushes rose a dastardly, rotund, and, pale-colored boar man. Though he was not at all sneaky, he managed to tail his rival into her private training grounds. He even went so far to stalk her in her home country, as he wanted to see the sights outside of France, and wanted to find an “old friend”. He took heavy steps towards the training dummy, before snorting a laugh to himself. “What is this?! Does Contessa really think a cantaloupe and potato sack is enough of an opponent to hone her blade!” He scoffed openly at the thought. “Tout à fait ridicule! I’ve had advisors, coaches, living opponents so that I, Boar Deux, would work my way to the top!”

He then peered down to his belly, the same spot that Contessa placed the tip of her fencing sword a year ago. “Or, at least I would be at the top, if Contessa didn’t STEAL. MY. SPOT!” He stomped his hoof on the dirt to the timing of his last few words, throwing a tantrum like a child at an ice cream parlor. “Just you wait, you cocky bird. I will have the last laugh!” He peered around the area, trying to find something, anything, that can help make his wish come true. But then, he saw something in the distance. A honey colored ball hanging from one of the branches. He adjusted his monocle for further inspection, then a sadistic grin stretched across his porcine face. An evil plot was brewing as he imagined all the different ways this would go wrong for her.

=======================================

The next day rolled around as Boar Deux lay in wait in the same spot as before. At first, he was wondering if she was ever going to show, almost to the point of giving up and going back into his hotel room. But, to his delight, there she was again, same as ever before. That cock-sure smile, that watchful eye, and worst yet, that womanly figure that moved more gracefully than his portly body ever could. He hated all of it, but was giddy when he witnessed her approaching the dummy from afar. 

	Contessa stepped forward, sizing up the opponent while loosening her arms and shoulders. A couple more stretches and she was poised to begin. However, she also heard a certain buzzing. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it was coming from somewhere. “I must be working too hard,” she thought to herself. With a grin, she remarked with gusto, “I’ll go easier on you today, my opponent!” A few thrusts to the body were made, striking the potato contents within! She backed up a couple steps then, with a mighty thrust, pierced right through the middle of the paper mask and out the other side. The boar watching grinned wickedly, knowing what’s coming next. As the eagle pulled her rapier out of her opponent with a bit of force, she looked to her blade that had a sticky sweet substance, something definitely not from a cantaloupe. She put her finger on the liquid on her blade and to her tongue, taking a moment to pinpoint the taste. “¿Qué demonios? Honey?” she perplexingly questioned.

As if on cue, the buzzing in her ears grew louder as she glanced up from her sword and saw a cloud of swarming, angry bees hovering over the training dummy. Although she couldn’t see it well enough, she could feel their beady eyes on her, scanning their target on where they might be able to fight effectively. Contessa gulped at the sight, almost shivering, before a flash of bravery kicked in. Her adrenaline pumped and her brain chose fight instead of flight for this instance. She dug in her heels and raised her sword at them. Someone was going to be moving, and she intended for it not to be her. She shouted, daring the insects to make the first move, “If it’s a fight you want, it’s a fight you get! ¡Prepárense!”

In response, the bees prepared a formation that was appropriate to the battle at hand. They formed their own rapier, mimicking her movements as they swayed themselves in an attempt to catch her off guard. They thrusted towards her as she deflected them with her blade. Contessa stepped back with an attack of her own, only for them to dodge and follow through, making her dodge to the side. Both the eagle and the bees exchanged several attempts to gain the upper-hand, but found themselves equally matched. The scraping sound of blade edge meeting multiple stingers deflecting it to protect the swarm was heard. All the while, Boar Deux was growing ever more impatient. Of all the bees that he could have planted to fight his rival, he had to find those that fight with honor, instead of stinging the everloving sense out of her. 

That was when the fat pig had revealed himself, shouting at the combatants in the sidelines. “Sacré bleu! You are supposed to sting Contessa, not fence with her! Put your backsides into it and into her!”

	That voice made Contessa’s heart jump to her throat as she glanced over to him, wondering what he was doing in her training grounds in Spain? “B-BOAR DEUX?!” she furiously exclaimed! “Eres un hijo de pu-” Before she can finish her vulgarities in her native tongue, the bees took this moment of distraction to lock swords with her, pinning her to a tree! She pushed her rapier into the furiously buzzing force that was pushing back. Then, to her horror, with one final push, they managed to force it out of her hands as the sword was tossed to the side and the tip pierced the earth. With nothing to fight with, she planted her back firmly to the tree and put her arms up in a surrendering fashion. Cold sweats beaded down her face as her irises shrunk at the sight of the bees aiming their stingers at her face, while still assuming their rapier form. Then, she closed her eyes before they began their next swing.

	She didn’t see anything. All she could feel was something tugging and tearing away at her pants. She didn’t feel any stinging other than the occasional stinger scraping against her thigh. Then, they stopped what they were doing. No activity besides the furious buzzing. She opened one eye, seeing the bees were waiting for something, but she didn’t know what. Then, the wind picked up and felt a lot more breezy below. She looked down to herself and gasped loudly! Other than her boots, there was nothing underneath her shirt besides her feathery plumage and tail feathers. Torn segments of fabric of what used to be her pants are strewn about around her, blowing in the wind. She placed her hands underneath to cover up her shame, with her blushed cheeks making her feathers look even more red than before.

Boar Deux stood staring at her lack of pants, blushing red himself. He certainly didn’t expect this reaction. But, when Contessa’s shocked expression met his eyes, he couldn’t help but double over, snorting the loudest laugh he’s had in a long time! "Oh ho ho ho ha ha HAAAAA! C'est trop parfait!" He shouted over, choking back the urge to laugh more. “Your face! I should have brought a camera for me to take a picture of this moment!” Unable to fight it back anymore, the air was filled with his laughter as his obese body rolled around like a giant half-full water balloon.

Contessa’s eyes sparked in fury of the oaf as she was about to march her way over to give him a piece of her mind. That thought stopped short when the swarm blocked her passage, once again bearing their stingers to her and approaching closer. She stepped back, now looking much more distressed. She was not the victor here. She lost, was both naked and humiliated in front of her rival, staring down a lot of insects that wished to do her harm. All the bravado she had left her body with only one word her instincts had to obey.

	“Run.”

	And that she did, sprinting past the bees in one open direction toward the unknowns of the forest past the trees. The bees were surprised by her sudden fleeing, but quickly gave chase after her. Boar Deux, seeing his humiliated opponent running past him with the swarm tailing close behind her, scrambled to pick himself up and run alongside them to find out what will happen next. It was a show he didn’t want to miss!

The eagle was running as fast as her boots could take her. She could hear the sound of the swarm behind her, still shaped like her trusty rapier. When they were above her at the perfect angle, the insects dived down, their stingers aimed at her exposed backside. Contessa turned her head to look backward in horror to see the swarm coming closer. Then, with a sound that resembled an electric razor eating through upholstery, she felt a sizable amount of sharp pin pricks making contact with her buttocks and thighs. Bees sank their stingers inside to deposit their venom, then got out of the way for the next batch of bees that were sweeping in. 

	“AAAAAEEEIIIIIIAAAA!” She jumped forward from the pain, covering her rear end with her hands! Blushing furiously after receiving her first blow in such a humiliating spot, that’s when it hit her. This was how those bees wanted to punish her in the first place! Perhaps, if she really thought about it, if she was alone, she’d possibly take out a blindfold and let what’d happen be. But with that disgusting pig watching? No way she’d allow that.

	Speaking of, through the constant fight for breath, Boar Deux was sweating up a storm trying to catch up. However, Contessa’s pained scream rang through his ears like a symphony in the air. “Ahhh, bless those bees,” he said in a tone that’s more venomous than the whole hive after her. “It is like they are handing me a delicious three course meal of pain, humiliation, and defeat.” He stopped momentarily to raise his hands in triumph, crying out “J'ADORE!” before continuing his strenuous journey.

	Losing her speed, Contessa could hear the bees approaching ever closer. She turned to the left and found that she was surrounded by dense forest. The only means of escape was a hollow log that had one end lifted up by resting between two large rocks. In her exhausted mind, the red eagle found the only thing she could do was dive in and hopefully come out the other end, confusing the bees on where she might be. With newfound determination, Contessa ran towards the log, leaped off the ground and dove into it like she was off the diving board in a swimming pool. Her torso had slipped past the opening with no issue. But, with an audible thump, her momentum stopped cold. She looked back to find that her bottom half was stuck out in the open, outside the log.

	Wiggling her legs, she tried to pull herself out. She even tried to place her hands on the inside of the log and push up, but couldn’t get much leverage from the angle she’s in. Her frustration then turned to fear when the buzzing of the swarm could be heard outside, muffled as they may be. The bees approached their free excuse for target practice, drinking in the sight of Contessa’s butt wiggling back and forth with her tail feathers swaying in the air. Still shaped like a sword, the bees swiped one line diagonally across Contessa’s butt. A pained yelp echoed in the log with one line etched from her backside’s feathers. Another painfully diagonal swipe and the symbol on her butt resembles an “X”.

	Heaving and huffing, almost collapsing from exhaustion, Boar Deux had turned the corner, following the sounds of his victim of vengeance. He peered over to find possibly the most beautiful sight he ever laid eyes on. Contessa’s rump veered from side to side, trying desperately to inch her way out. The swarm formed back into a cloud of bees as one bee broke from the group and hit the right buttock, sinking as deep as it could.

	“¡Ay!” she shouted from the stump, eliciting a giggle from the boar. Then the next bee dived in the left one, making her rump wince and shiver! “¡Oh!” The bees alternated between the two cheeks in a rhythmic fashion, thrusting and stinging to make her shout to the beat. “¡Ay! ¡Ow! ¡Oh! ¡Ow! ¡Ay! ¡Ow! ¡Oh! ¡Ow!” Boar laughed and clapped along to it, dancing ever closer to the action. He can hear the Spanish guitar playing along to the sweet sounds of embarrassment. 

	“Ah! C’est magnifique! So good of you to give me a taste of the local flavor in your country. You are singing, how you say, the song of your people?” He whipped his head back in uproarious cackling. Contessa was furious this show had gone on for this long. The bees ceased their attacks momentarily to take part in the banter between the two. 

	“You fat-headed, fat-bodied, fat-footed oaf!” her righteous anger poured out of her beak. “When I get out from this log, no one is going to find you for the next Animalympics!”

	“Oh, but it will be you that will not show your face around me anymore, madame! And not just for fencing! You know what my second favorite sport of those games is? Archery!”

	“Archery?” She scoffed with a haughty laugh. “Don’t be stupid. You can barely hold a rapier right, let alone shoot an arrow straight!”

“Perhaps not, but there’s something so exhilarating about being on the sidelines, cheering on someone that can hit the perfect bullseye!” Boar Duex took a cloth rag out of his shirt pocket and used it to make a showing of dusting off the area underneath the eagle’s tail feathers. Then, he bowed to the bees and guided his hand to the target available while grumbling in a low voice. “Don’t you agree?”

Like a thunderbolt, the realization of who he truly was talking to struck her. Her face turned sullen, looking back and shaking her head, despite no one being able to see it. “Wait!” she pleaded! “¡Espera! STOP! We don’t have to do that. I learned my lesson, bees!” Bullets of sweat began pouring from her head as she struggled even more, kicking her feet up in fury. Meanwhile, the hive minded bugs distanced themselves several feet. The French interloper sneered at the formation of the bees transforming their swarm into a large bow and arrow. The tip of that arrow, as one might imagine, was adjusting their aim towards the crimson bird’s naked rear end, shaking about and with no way of escape.

	The “string” of the bow pulled back, holding it back for the sake of anticipation. Then, as quick as a real arrow, the formation let loose, zooming at high speeds until the head of the arrow hit dead center in between her two buttocks! That all-too-familiar sound of angry bees hitting their intended victim drowned out Contessa’s cries for mercy as they sting furiously, piercing the inside of her crack, as well as adding new lumps to her already abused tail end! The swarm then returned to make a new bow, and the bees that were the old bow became the new arrow! The process repeated, hitting yet another bullseye right down the middle! Contessa was holding back the tears, trying to endure, but failing to contain her shrieks of pain!

	This process continued as Boar Deux laughed the hardest he’s ever had. “Ah, this is the best day of my life!” he choked back his laughter to taunt! “Coming back to the training site at night to replace the cantaloupe with the hive while the bees were asleep was the best idea I’ve had in so long!” The next arrow flying towards Contessa’s butt slows itself to a screeching halt, before all of the bees lifted up in a high-pitched inquisitive buzz!

Contessa’s defeated spirit lifted from this news. She also noticed the bees had stopped to listen intently on what he had to say! Using the venomous burning in her backside, she lit the fire in her soul to pin his words against him! “So, you had this all planned all along, eh, señor?”

	“But of course I did, you irritating canary!” Boar Deux answered, annoyed by her newfound confidence. “And the bees took it hook, line, and sinker! Your swollen posterior is proof of that.”

	“Have you no care for the bees when I accidently skewered the hive? You intently put them in harm’s way!”

	“Who cares?! Don’t pretend to have a bleeding heart for these insects! They are bugs! Insectes! They are tools to your disgrace! I don’t care if they live or die! I care more for your screams of torment!”

	The forest hung silent as a slight wind blew some leaves across the ground. Contessa, through the pain, listened intently on what would happen next. Boar Deux stood with his arms crossed, before turning back to the swarm just staring at him. “Well?” the portly pig questioned impatiently. “What are you waiting for? There’s still plenty of her to sting.”

	The bees responded with a furious buzz. Hearing that, Boar stood smugly as the bees turned their formation back into a saber, waiting for the show to continue. However, to his horror, the tip of the blade was pointed at him! “Wait! Attendre! You are pointing at the wrong person!”

	“Oh, I don’t think they are, estúpido!” Contessa contradicted with a pleased expression. “You said it all yourself! The real villain in their story is YOU!” Without missing their cue, the bees had swiped their blade across Boar Deux multiple times. He squealed in panic and covered his face, closing his eyes. After their furious slices, the fabric of his clothing tore from the seams and fell to the ground in rings cut rings. The frightened porcine then opened his eyes to find his fat body completely naked! There was nothing protecting him except for his monocle. 

	“P-Please, I-I didn’t mean anything by what I said. It was just a misunderstanding! I-I love bees! You make honey! Yours was especially tasty, better than the rest I-” The hog covered his mouth in fright as a cold chill ran down his spine! Contessa’s howling laughter can be heard from the log, much to his chagrin. 

	“That’s right, keep opening that gluttonous mouth of yours!” heckled Contessa. “You are only digging your own grave further down!”

	The bees buzzed even more furiously at Boar Deux. Their stingers bared down on him quicker than he can anticipate! Swiftly, he realized that bees were, indeed, going easier on Contessa. The swordplay, the attacks on her rear, even when they were doling out their punishment, they had intended to just teach her a firm but fair lesson. It may have been out of respect or admiration that she would duel her way out of their attacks. Not so much for the obese creature, who felt the very painful sensations of stingers sinking in all over his body. His pig-like squeals and screams of pain filled the air of the forest, as he waved his arms and swatted around. He ran as fast as he could away from the log, but he wouldn’t be going far due to his size. At the end of the day, his body was going to be lumpier than a bowl of oatmeal.

	It was Contessa’s turn to laugh at Boar’s misery! Though she couldn’t see him flail about, his yowling told the whole story. “Serves you right, Boar Deux!” she taunted further. “Enjoy being France’s largest pincushion!” A victorious cheer followed, despite having no one but Boar to hear it, and he was previously preoccupied. Her laughter continued until the sounds of the pig’s screaming and the swarm buzzing faded away into the distance. As her celebrations died down to chuckles to herself, she slowly realized something that made her win more bittersweet.

She was still stuck to the log. She tried once more to have her hands press against the wooden walls and push up, only to end up falling back into position. She huffed in frustration from her fruitless efforts. She was still all alone in the forest, pantless, with painful welts throbbing all over her buttocks and crevice in between. There’s often a tinge of pain that shot through when she moved in a particular way, and the overall burning was hard to ignore. 

	“Maldito.”

Thirty minutes had passed. At least, that’s what it felt like to the eagle. It could have been longer. She was just alone with her thoughts, wondering when she might be found, and by whom? She didn’t wait long. A familiar fear awakened in her as she heard buzzing again. The bees were back and approached behind her once more. In her frustration, she shouted, “Oh, come on! The fat swine wasn’t good enough for you? You’re here to torment me more?” She waited for them to attack again. What happened was the opposite. With a surprising amount of strength, they pulled on her boots, heaving back as a unit. At first, she wasn’t sure what they were doing, but then it clicked!

	She planted her hands on the wooden interior again pushing up as much as she could. To her relief, she’s getting a lot more leverage. With one more pull, she was able to bring her midsection to the edge of the hole, allowing her to do the rest herself. She slid out and landed on her feet. It felt like she was lying in there for all eternity. The landing did nothing for her rear, though. She placed her hands on her bottom and rubbed the sore spots for some sort of relief. Then, she turned to face the bees and, with amazement, found the bees carrying with them honey on a large leaf and a few thick leaves from an aloe plant. 

The swarm placed the objects on the ground and backed away, not wanting to frighten their once admonished eagle any further. Contessa stared at the objects, then it clicked on what to do with them. She took the aloe leaves, cracked them open, and poured the juices on the honey. After mixing the two substances with her finger, she scooped the poultice with both hands and applied them liberally to her own backside. She rubbed the mixture all over every inch she could, even the most concentrated attacks in between. Sighing out a moan, the bird felt the cooling agents of the aloe going to work, while the honey acted as a healing agent. “Ooooooh, Santa Maria…” she cooed out with her eyes drooping and a smile across her beak. The sensation washed over her, her face shining redder as her knees went weak. “Sweet, oh so sweet relief…”

After wiping the remains of the goo off her hands on the log, she gingerly turned toward the bees. She could feel their sincere apologies emanating off of their collective swarm. At first, she had a bit of a grimace towards them, but her expression softened with a grin. “I suppose this is behind us now, isn’t it? I trust you gave the true guilty party ten times worse than what you gave me.” Contessa carefully walked around the bees, before they decided to take the lead, to her surprise. She followed them quietly back to the training grounds where it all began after a long and arduous trek through the woods.

When she approached the training dummy, she glanced toward the swarm and they led her over. Placing her hands carefully, she picked up the large hive off the stick. Then, was led to their previous location to where the hive once hung. Carefully, she placed the hive between the middle of several branches, where they can build from there and secure it further. Satisfied, she went back to the dummy while the bees had returned to their hive. She gazed at her sparing puppet, thinking aloud to herself the events transpired before.

	“Hmm, as much as I hate that pig-headed gasbag,” she pondered with her thumb and finger holding to the bottom of her beak, “I think him coming here might have been a blessing in disguise.” In a furious motion, she kicked the dummy down, despite the pain of doing so. “I thought long and hard about what my role is going to be for the next Animalympics, and the answer was so obvious. I’m the hero. A hero to my people and a hero to stand against people like Boar Deux.” She lifted her head high and smirked from the idea of those cheering her on once more. “Well done, Boar. You had your small victory, but the war is far from over.“

	Contessa picked her rapier off the ground, tossed aside in her most recent defeat. She inspected the blade once more, deciding that both her and sword needed a thorough cleaning when she made her way home. As she began to make her way back home, she stopped momentarily as an idea popped in her head. She looked back to the hive she had rescued, then back to the tip of her thin blade. Her eyes widened as inspiration struck, then chuckled to herself.

=======================================

A few days later, the sound of scraping steel could be heard around the training grounds, alongside furious buzzing. Once again, Contessa has locked swords with the bees in a furious duel. The rapier shaped swarm made swipes against the eagle, desperately trying to push against the might of the insects. As she locked eyes with some of the bees in the group, they gave way and moved aside, leaving the fencer to push herself into a stumble. Before she could properly find her footing, the bees adjusted behind her and trusted downward. 

	She could feel sharp pin pricks going through her new pair of pants, still managing to pierce through the fabric and past the feathers to hit her right buttock underneath. Jumping with a resounding “¡Ay!”, she turned to her opponent while rubbing her sore spot with her free hand. A sharp glare shot toward her opponent for a moment before she unsuccessfully stifled a chuckle, letting herself laugh. Waving her blade and shaking her head, she joked “I guess this is what you call the ‘sting of defeat’, eh, abejas?” Circling around her head and stretching her neck out, she got back into her fencing position. “Whenever you are ready, darlings.”

The bees faced their sword upward before going back into position. They began their advancement for the new match and the fight was once more. For now, they would practice on each other, rather than the new dummy that stood waiting. With its bigger potato sack body, cantaloupe, and paper mask with a bad drawing of Boar Deux on it, the inanimate opponent will serve as a reminder of Contessa’s role in the next Animalympics.