The Barbecue Job
a yiffy Over The Hedge fanfic by Alex Reynard


Warning: This has got some bi stuff. But it's really cuddly, happy bi stuff and you'll like it. Trust me.

~~~~~


	Unfortunately, Stella's assessment of Tiger as a 'puffball' turned out to be true in a variety of ways.
	He ate. He slept. He bragged. For the brief time period that they tolerated him, he was exactly as helpful as one would imagine a pampered Persian kitty might be to a group of woodland foragers. And when he wasn't being a burden on their resources, he complained. Grandly. About everything. As if servants were expected to materialize out of thin air and cater to his every whim and inconvenience.
	Much as Stella had initially liked the cat's smooth manner, air of class and lack of nostril facilities, the mere inability to perceive her stink wasn't enough of a reason to keep him around. Especially since he was grinding her family's food-gathering schedule to a snail's crawl.
	The foragers held a meeting and discussed options. RJ came up with some devilishly clever plans, some involving catapults. In the end, Stella got bored, simply sought out Tiger, and dumped him loud enough for men on the moon to hear.
	The fat kitty was disconsolate for several days. He merely laid in the grass, bawling, calling out Stella's name and scaring away birds. Verne eventually hit upon the idea of detouring some humans to his location to 'discover' him and hopefully take him away. A suitable human was picked out and, with Hammy's lightning-quick car-key-snatching skills, was led successfully straight to Tiger, where she snuggled and huggled and babytalked him all the way back to her car.
	The foragers held a party.

***

	That had been a week ago, and now the most pressing problem facing the family was a lot bigger than just a spoiled pussycat. As RJ had discovered, the humans in the area were once again acting out the Spuddies tagline: 'Enough Just Isn't Enough'. The raccoon had seen and overheard plenty to suggest that, come next winter, the remaining slice of forest in the middle of El Rancho Camelot would be 'developed' out of existence. The thought of bulldozers plowing over his beloved adoptive family while they hibernated made RJ gulp. It was time to start scouting locations for a new home.
	That was where Verne, Ozzie, Penny and Lou were at the moment. Stella (still disgusted by Tiger to the point where even mentioning the word 'men' around her would send her into a mini-tirade) had been left to babysit the porcu-kids, in the hopes that they might lift her out of her funk a bit. It seemed to be working, RJ noticed. Bucky, Spike and Quillo were all enthusiastically teaching her how to play one of their favorite video games; 'Dance Dance Aneurysm'. Stella was flailing about like a dying carp, but at least she was smiling.
	RJ sighed. Perched in the branches of a tree as he was, he could see the whole area spread out around him. It only served to heighten his boredom. He wondered if the others were having any luck yet in finding a new home. Much as he wanted to be part of the action, Verne had insisted he stay behind today. Oh, RJ had been enthusiastically on board with them for a while there. But Verne had noticed time and time again a tendency on the raccoon's part to gear his judgments towards food rather than safety.
	'Hey, come on! Right over that fence is a family of five and they're all so obese they can't move any faster than Jell-o! And they look like it too! Do you have any idea the *yield* a place like that has!?'
	'RJ, is that all you ever care about? Look around a bit more. Do you see any cover? Any readily available water supply?'
	'Well, no... But the *food*, man! Think of the food!!'
	'Food isn't all there is to life! First you have to *survive* life, in order to eat the food! I swear, RJ, you're getting more and more like the humans every day. You think like they do, you have the same desires they do. Go look in the lake at your reflection. Check and make sure you still have fur!'
	RJ could still clearly remember the look in his turtle buddy's eyes when he'd said that. Sure, Verne preached on and on all the time anyway, but this was different. RJ had seen more than just exasperation in his friend's expression. There was disgust too, and even a little fear. Verne was worried about him.
	RJ had stood there, speechless, then turned and stomped home in a huff, grumbling to himself all the way about how no one else appreciated his ideas. Later that night though, when Verne returned, RJ swallowed his pride and admitted to him that, yes, the reptile had a point. What Verne had said, RJ had been noticing about himself ever since he'd joined their family. He often felt out of place. They valued things he didn't, and sometimes he couldn't understand their motivations at all. It had taken him a while to realize that this was because he had no real idea of how to just _be_ a raccoon. He'd been around humans so long, he'd grown to think and feel and want like them without even realizing it.
	Even if Verne hadn't asked him to stay behind today, RJ would have volunteered.
	He had a lot of thinking to do...

***

	'Wait...
	'Hold that thought.'
	RJ's eyes twinkled. Across the way there, behind that house, was that a plume of smoke? A plume that could only mean one thing and one thing only!?
	"Barbecue," RJ said, and salivated.
	His introspection was gone as fast as Hammy chasing a donut down a hill. He looked around the forest. Stella was still busy (doing the electric slide, apparently). But Heather was sitting all by herself, looking twice as bored as he was. Perfect.
	RJ furrowed his brow. "So where's Hammy?"
	"Right behind you!!"
	RJ leaped straight out of his fur. He clutched his chest, feeling his heart beat like an outboard motor. He turned to find a beaming orange squirrel less than an inch from his nose. "Hammy!! We are in a tree! Many, many feet off the ground! Do NOT do that!!"
	Hammy's ears drooped. "Sorry."
	"No problem," RJ said, gaining his composure back. He thrust his arm around Hammy's shoulders. "Wanna help me out on a secret mission, Ham-spread?"
	"OH BOY!!" the squirrel exploded. "I do I do I do I do I do!!!"
	"Excellent!"
	"Wait!!!"
	"What, Hammy?"
	"Does it involve boomerangs?" the squirrel asked fearfully.
	"Not in the slightest."
	Hammy brightened immediately. "Okay then!" He was down the tree trunk faster than gravity, leaving RJ to shake his head and grin.

***

	"Heather! My little dandelion! What's up?"
	The young possum perked up immediately upon hearing her favorite raccoon approach. A smile blossomed on her conical face. "Oh, hi! Nothing much." RJ had started calling her 'dandelion' after noticing that, after they turned grey and fluffy, the flower and the possum shared quite a resemblance. Heather loved it. Truth be told, she'd developed quite a crush on the handsome, clever 'coon ever since he'd arrived.
	RJ rubbed his hands together like a criminal mastermind concocting a devious plan. "That's terrific. I need your help for something. Ozzie's out and I need someone to die for me."
	Heather beamed. "You think I'm ready for a solo?"
	"Sure, kiddo! Like you said, you learned from the best. And you've done great in every human-duping situation we've pulled off so far."
	She giggled and bounced at the praise. "Cool! I'll do even better this time! Do you need cute or gruesome?"
	While her father had taught her all the techniques of the possumly art of dying, it was RJ who had distilled these down into two basic methods: cute and gruesome. Cute meant that Heather had to curl up and look still and quiet and poignant, the whole point being that the human being bamboozled would gasp in heartbreak when they saw her and cry a lot and sometimes philosophize about how fragile and precious life is, while the rest of the animals were busy robbing them blind. Gruesome was, naturally, the opposite. The object was to look as twisted and scruffy and disease-ridden as possible, so the human being bamboozled would ralph into the rosebush, also while the rest of the animals were busy robbing them blind.
	RJ had scouted ahead. One lone egg-shaped human male in his mid-forties. Cute would not be likely to work. "Gruesome, definitely."
	Heather grinned. "Awesome. I've been practicing. I can bulge my eye almost all the way out of the socket!"
	RJ cringed. "Please don't demonstrate."

***

	Crouching by the side of the house, RJ, Hammy and Heather observed the human in his natural habitat.
	Dressed in his ceremonial robes (consisting of khaki shorts, a T-shirt bearing an allegedly humorous statement, sunglasses and a floppy hat), the immense pink biped was currently worshipping at the altar of charcoal. Six thick hamburgers were grilling merrily away on a standard bowl-shaped tripod barbecue, while even more meaty treats waited for consumption on a tray on a picnic table nearby.
	"He's either waiting for company or bypass surgery," RJ commented.
	"What's the plan?" Hammy asked, while striking several 'stealthy' poses.
	RJ shifted his trusty blue bag to one side. "Hammy, your job is to tip that barbecue over. I'll explain the specifics in a moment. Heather?"
	"Present and accounted for, sir!" she said, and giggled.
	"After we leave, you run over to the garbage cans on the side of the house. Wait a little while. Then, when I whistle, knock over everything and make as much noise as possible. Just make sure you're dead by the time the human gets there!"
	"Aye-aye!" She was already planning how to look her ghastliest.
	Next RJ pointed across the yard, making sure Hammy was following his finger. "See that volleyball net, Hammy?"
	The squirrel nodded vigorously.
	"An interesting suburban artifact. Humans buy them and never use them."
	"What're they for?"
	"Supposedly so they can play outside. However, by its very nature it competes with (appropriate dramatic pause) ...the mighty Television Set."
	Hammy made an accompanyingly appropriate 'Ooooh' of reverence.
	"The Boob Tube; master of the humans' every waking moment. When they're not eating, that is. The reason we are interested in that volleyball net today is that it's stretchy."
	"I can be stretchy," Hammy pointed out.
	"True, but this time we need even more 'oomph' than your elastic little spine can handle." He turned back to the possum. "Heather, wait for us by the garbage cans. Remember, I'll whistle when we need you!"
	Heather saluted and scurried off.
	Still keeping out of the range of the human's vision, RJ took Hammy's arm and led him across the yard behind the cover of some ill-cared-for rhododendrons.
	Hammy stared at the barbecue. He could smell the tantalizing odors of the human's food and wanted to just speed over there and take it all right now. "RJ, why can't we just speed over there and take it all right now!?"
	"Because, Hammy, we don't want the human to see us. He looks like the type that'd be perfectly willing to splat us like houseflies if he got a good look at us. Plus, that barbecue grill is hot. If you ran across it, you'd burn your little toesises off."
	Terrified at that thought, Hammy tried to pick up and cradle both his feet at once. He nearly succeeded, despite gravity's efforts.
	While the fat human continued to burn the burgers into oblivion, RJ and Hammy snuck past him. By the fence, RJ located a worn, dirty tennis ball. "Just the thing. Hammy, hold this."
	Hammy did as instructed. He sniffed the big, green fuzzy thing. Then he opened his mouth as wide as possible...
	RJ caught him just in time. "Hammy!! Remember what I told you about the golf ball! That's not food either!"
	Hammy's lip quivered. "But I *liked* the golf ball!"
	"Did you like having to pass that thing?"
	Hammy grimaced at the memory. "Good point."
	RJ gestured for Hammy to follow him up the fence. Holding the tennis ball as tightly as he could with one arm, Hammy obeyed.
	At the top, RJ eyed the net. He reached in his bag for his Pocket Fisherman (from Ronco). The human was still unaware of their presence, so RJ cast his line.
	Bingo.
	Perfect. He'd snared the net in one try.
	"Do I run across that now?" Hammy asked, pointing to the taut line.
	"No, you just stand still for now."
	'Stand still!!' Hammy thought. 'But I'm bad at that!!' Not wanting to disappoint his hero though, Hammy tried with all his might. He ended up sort of vibrating.
	Now it was time for phase two: Heather. RJ puckered up and gave his very best whistle. "Pffffffft." He growled and tried again, this time producing more of a raspberry. Then he smacked his forehead. "That's right, I forgot. Raccoons can't whistle." He shouted across the yard, "Pretend I'm Whistling!!"
	The human thought he'd heard a chipmunk or something.
	Seconds later, Heather pulled off her part beautifully. The noise was tremendous. It sounded like she was *juggling* the garbage cans. The human reacted predictably, tossing down his spatula and lumbering over to the side of the house to investigate.
	As RJ reeled in the net, he smiled as he heard the dulcet tones of a human barfing into his rhododendrons. "Attagirl, Heather."
	Hammy had stood still for so long he was about to die from a brain hemorrhage. "Hammy?" RJ called.
	"YES!?" Hammy burst out, relived at finally being able to move.
	"You, ah, didn't have to take me literally there, amigo."
	"Oh."
	"Ready with that tennis ball?" RJ got the net close enough to could finally grab onto it. The tension nearly launched him off the fence, but he dug in hard with his footclaws. "Stick it right here." Hammy did so unquestioningly. "Now all we gotta do is aim it..." RJ closed one eye and zeroed in on the barbecue. A good strong hit near the top would tip it over just they way they wanted, but he had to be careful not to miss and have the ball sail straight over.
	They'd only get one shot.
	RJ concentrated everything on his aim.
	He pulled back a fraction more, and...
	Let go!
	Unfortunately, he had not told Hammy to let go of the ball.
	"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"WHUNK
	"Owie!"
	*THUD*"
	Other than that, things worked out beautifully.

***

	With triumphant smiles and a spring in their step, RJ and Heather paraded the tray of barbecued goodies through the woods back to home base. Hammy's job was to skitter about and chase away any birds who might think of diving down and snatching something. He was zipping around making lots of karate noises, seemingly unaffected by his recent high-speed collision with a stationary metal object.
	"That ringing in your ears go away yet, Ham Man?" RJ asked.
	Hammy nodded, grinning ear to ear. "I think so! And I only see three of you now!"
	"Fantastic news. Tell me when you're back to seeing just one."
	Hammy paused, puzzled. "You mean, I'm not *supposed* to see double?"
	RJ looked worried. "Not unless you cross your eyes."
	Hammy grinned again. "Kidding!" he ran up, hugged RJ and gave him a brief noogie.
	Heather giggled.
	Within minutes they were back at the log, and soon heard Stella calling out, "What is that alluring odor?"
	The three mighty hunters emerged from the foliage, carrying the spoils of victory on high. "That," RJ said, "Is various large animal pieces subjected to extreme temperatures. Otherwise known as food."
	"Smells delicious, RJ," Stella said, her pink nose quivering.
	The three porcupine kids popped up.
	"Whoa!" Spike enthused.
	"What's that, uncle RJ?" Quillo asked. 
	"Smells like that fast food stuff, but better!" Bucky exclaimed.
	"That, my little cacti, is for later," RJ explained.
	"Awwwww!" The porcs said as one.
	"Hey, come on guys," Heather said. "We have to wait for the others to get back. They'll be tired after being gone so long. This is our gift to them for going out and looking for a new place for us."
	"Oh all_right_," Bucky sighed.
	"But I'm hungry nowwwww!" Spike whined.
	"Totally! You don't want us to starve to death, do you?" Quillo wheedled.
	"Heaven forbid!" RJ dug down into his bag and came up with a plastic-wrapped snack. "Here, squirts. You can have a Little Dummie cake."
	"All right!!" "Awesome!" "Thanks, Uncle RJ!" Within seconds they'd torn the wrapper to shreds and soon had creamy filling stuck to their quills.
	Stella put her hands on her hips and glared at RJ. "You gave them *sugar*, while *I'm* in charge of babysittin' them? Do you WANT me to pass out from exhaustion!?"
	He grinned sheepishly. "Well, to be honest, you do need to be out in the open air instead of sulking around in the log all day."
	She was about to respond venomously to that, but stopped herself. She rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright. I can take a hint."
	"More like several hundred of them," RJ pointed out.
	She gave him the evil eye. "Everyone's been ridin' my tail all week for me to get over Tiger. And... I guess you're right."
	Heather came over and put her arms around Stella. "We know it's been hard. We just don't want you to, like, get all emo over it and be sad all the time."
	"Exactly," RJ added. "The Stella I know's a lot stronger than that."
	She nodded. "Thank you." She reached out and added RJ to the hug. "It's just hard to wait so long for happiness... And then find out it isn't what you hoped for."
	"You'll find happiness, Stella," Heather said comfortingly. "Just think of Tiger as a trial run. At least you know what to avoid next time."
	Stella nodded. "Darn right! No more housepets!"
	RJ gave her a pat on the back. "There you go!" He looked around. "And, hey; looks like you've got a reprieve from babysitting duties."
	"What do you mean?"
	RJ hooked a thumb over his shoulder; Hammy was more than matching the kids' energy, chasing them playfully all around the forest. Hammy made monster noises and the porcupines all shrieked and giggled and ran around at mach three.
	"Finally! A chance to sit down!" Stella exclaimed with relief.
	Heather tugged on RJ's paw. "Hey RJ, I was wondering if we could maybe go somewhere else... Y'know, to talk."
	RJ couldn't read her expression. "Um, sure." As the young possum led him away into the greenery, he called back over his shoulder. "Keep an eye on the food!"
	Stella gave him a thumbs-up, then found a shady spot to rest her aching feet while the cries of mock-terrified porcupines drifted through the air.

***

	RJ and Heather walked in silence for quite a ways. She took him to a very peaceful part of the forest. Sunlight slipped through the tree branches to create a warm, isolated spot in the yellow-green grass.
	"So, what did you want to talk about, kiddo?" RJ asked, feeling a little uncertain.
	Heather winced. "That's actually part of it. I was wondering if you could not call me 'Kiddo' any more. Or anything like that." She didn't sound angry, just firm.
	RJ nodded. "Fair enough. I understand. I know you're not a kid anymore."
	"I'm not. In fact, this year will be my first..." She blushed. "...mating season."
	"Really. Well, good for you," RJ said cluelessly.
	Heather sighed. She looked down at the grass, not knowing what to say next, thinking this whole thing might have been a bad idea. She looked up into RJ's eyes. "Do you think I'm pretty?"
	"Hey, of course I do!" he said immediately. He cupped her face in his paws, ruffling her fluffy cheekfur. "Look at you! Those blue eyes of yours are gorgeous. Those little spots on your ears are like snowflakes. And your nose is adorable!"
	"My ...nose?" She pulled back a little and covered it with her paws self-consciously.
	RJ pulled her paws away. "It's like a little pink sugar cookie," he said.
	Heather nervously giggled. She couldn't believe he was complimenting her *nose* of all things. She'd always thought it was way too big and stuck out like a radish. Not like Stella's perfect tiny pink one. Sometimes she just wanted to peel it right off and swap them.
	RJ knew Heather was embarrassed of her nose, which was exactly why he'd complimented it. He thought that that was what all this was about; Heather just needed some reassurance as she made the transition from cub to adult.
	"Thanks, RJ," she told him softly. "Um... The reason I asked you to come out here with me..." She smiled bashfully. "You wanna, y'know, mate?"
	RJ blinked.
	He stood completely frozen for a second. One could almost hear his brain doing somersaults.
	Then he said, "WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?"
	Heather's sky blue eyes got big and shiny as she backed off, biting her lip and feeling completely rejected. "But you said I was pretty..."
	RJ was tense as a violin string. "Well, yes! But... Mating!!! That's, it's just... We can't!!"
	"Why not?" Heather asked innocently.
	"Because... because..." RJ sputtered.
	Heather could see clearer now. RJ wasn't rejecting *her*, he was just frightened of the whole idea, for some reason.
	"It's not right," RJ said.
	Heather looked at him as if he was speaking some kind of crazy moon-man language. "What would make you think that!?" Then she snapped her fingers in realization. "Wait. I totally get it now. RJ, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not interested in a mate-for-life kinda thing! I just thought, y'know, me and you are friends, and it'd be fun. No pressure. You don't even have to worry about getting me pregnant! You're a raccoon, I'm a possum. There's no way I could have... Posscoons?" That didn't sound right. Though 'raccums' sounded even worse.
	RJ was completely shocked by her attitude. "Heather, I don't know what to say. I mean, mating is serious business!"
	"Since when?" Heather countered, starting to feel concerned. RJ wasn't reacting like any male she'd ever heard of. Where was this fear coming from?
	"Well, for starters, Ozzie'd probably bite my head off if he found out!"
	"No he wouldn't! Dad wouldn't mind! He knows it's my first mating season, but I'm not ready to have cubs yet. I even told him that." She shuffled her feet. "I, um, just wanted to, y'know... practice first." She took RJ's paw in hers. "With someone who cares about me."
	The touch sent an electric shock up RJ's arm into his brain. For the first time since she'd led him into this clearing, his instincts were starting to make their presence known. 'Why would it be wrong?' he asked himself. 'Where am I getting this stuff from? Heather's right. I do care about her. And, yeah, I *would* like to mate with her. Why am I acting like this though?'
	Suddenly, Verne's words rang clear as a bell in RJ's head; "RJ, you're getting more and more like the humans every day. You think like they do, you have the same desires they do."
	'...and I've ended up with the same screwy ideas they do,' he realized.
	"RJ? What's wrong?" Heather asked, seeing the troubled look on his face.
	RJ sat down in the grass. "I'm sorry, ki-" He stopped himself. "I'm sorry, Heather. You know that whole story about the Weed Hacker was bogus. I don't even remember how I got separated from my family. All I know is that I grew up learning everything by watching humans. I'd spend hours peeking through windows, watching their TV shows and how they acted towards each other. I mean, I know *now* how crazy they all are, but there's still some leftover stuff in my head I need to clean out."
	Heather sat down beside him and patted his shoulder tenderly. "Is that why you got so, like, weirded-out when I mentioned mating? Are humans like that?"
	RJ nodded. "Yeah. I mean, they think about it constantly, but they're also terrified of it. They've got themselves believing that anything that feels good must be bad."
	Heather was shocked. "That's nuts!" It was more than nuts, it went against an animal's every instinct; to seek out happiness wherever possible and revel in it when one does find it.
	"Exactly. See, the problem with humans is that their brains are so big, they've found ways to make themselves comfortable to the point where there's nothing left to do but think up ways to make themselves miserable again."
	Heather shook her head as if smelling something bad. "Let's not talk about humans anymore. They creep me out anyway. Let's talk about you, RJ." She put her paw over his heart. "What do *you* feel?"
	RJ's fur tingled where Heather touched. He looked into her bright, beautiful eyes. He listened to his instincts, the voice inside him that connected him to all of nature. It was time to stop ignoring that voice and start ignoring the insanity he'd learned from the apes of suburbia. "I think you're very, very pretty, Heather" he told her sincerely. "And I think I'd like to help you practice anything you'd like to try."
	Heather squealed. "Awesome!!"

***

	She hopped up, full of excitement now. "What do you think we should try first?"
	"Well, It's up to you, I guess," RJ said, still a little nervous.
	She dove at him and ensnared him in a big hug. "Wanna kiss?"
	He smiled at her. Her enthusiasm was a little intimidating, but also exciting. "I'd love to." Putting his arms around her too, he pulled her close.
	Heather closed her eyes and murred when their lips touched. 'This is sooooo exciting!' she thought. 'I can't believe it! RJ and me are gonna DO IT!!' She'd wanted him on top of her for weeks now. Not only did she think he was a hunk, but a clever, mysterious exotic hunk too!
	The kiss filled RJ with feelings he'd never really experienced before. So much of his life had been scheming and selfishness, it was almost an overload to be so close to someone and share something this intimate. He'd already made himself a vow never to be lonely again. This was certainly a good incentive to help him keep that vow.
	The kiss ended after quite a while. "Wow," RJ said. "That was..."
	"...the coolest thing that's ever happened? That's what I thought."
	RJ chuckled and nuzzled her. "You know, I never really noticed how *soft* your fur is! You're like a little cloud here on earth."
	"I like it better when you call me a dandelion," Heather said.
	"Then you're a dandelion," RJ amended. They both giggled. RJ liked this playful feeling they were sharing. 'THIS is what humans are so afraid of?' he thought.
	"Mate with me?" Heather asked, feather lightly.
	"Anything you want," RJ said, and kissed her nose.
	Heather giggled like wildflower petals in the wind. She rolled over and turned away from her romantic raccoon, presenting her tail to him.
	RJ took in a deep breath. Heather's scent was strong and luscious and *female*. It was intoxicating, making him suddenly giddy. He felt "Li'l RJ" poke his head out to take a look around.
	Heather slowly, teasingly lifted her long, thick tail out of the way so RJ could see her sex. She laid her head on her folded arms in the grass. Her heart was beating fast. She was so excited! This was something she'd dreamed about. Some nights she'd sleep outside the log, looking up at the moon and pawing off furiously while fantasizing about RJ taking her as his mate.
	RJ stared at the sight before him and his head went blank as a chalkboard. He even drooled a little. Heather's honeypot was the very zenith of beauty. Small, pink, glistening with moisture. And an aroma that was driving him crazy! It took all his willpower to gather his thoughts enough to form a complete sentence. "You know, um, Heather, uh, human's aren't completely crazy when it, duh, comes to, uhhh, mating."
	Heather giggled at making RJ's brain go away. "What do you mean?"
	RJ tore his eyes away and willed himself to stand up. "I mean, they have a different way of having sex. One where we can see each other's faces."
	Heather sat up, eyes twinkling. "Oooh, that sounds romantic! How do we do it?"
	"Here, let me show you." RJ knelt down beside her again and took her paw. "Just lie down on your back. Get comfortable."
	Heather did exactly as he said. "I'm comfortable," she told him.
	"Alright. Now I get on top of you." RJ did. Their fur rustled together. They could feel each others' warmth. He looked into her eyes and they touched noses. "Isn't this nicer than me just pumping away?"
	"*Much* nicer, RJ!" Heather said. "But wait, I wanna see it first!"
	"See what?"
	"Your DICK, silly!" She squirmed under him and got a good look. "Hot damn! It's incredible!!"
	RJ's confidence shot up about ten notches. "Thanks!"
	Awe in her eyes, the pretty possum reached out a paw to reverently touch it. It was bigger than she expected. Slim and lithe and jet black, just like RJ's nose. She shivered at the thought of it going *inside* her!
	She laid back down. "This is gonna _rock_."
	RJ glanced down quickly to make sure everything was lined up. Then he gave Heather another quick kiss. "You ready?"
	"Are you kidding? Let's do this!!"
	"Gotta love a woman who knows what she wants! Here we go!"
	RJ was all set to slide it in when Heather glanced past him and sat up sharply. RJ fell back on his rump.
	"Hammy!?" Heather shouted.

***

	A flash of orange fur darted out of sight behind a bush. "I'm not here!" Hammy cried out.
	RJ smacked his forehead. "So close..."
	Heather's expression softened. "Hammy, don't be shy. I'm not mad at you. Come on out."
	An extremely guilty-looking little squirrel trembled his way into the open.
	"I thought you were helping Stella watch the kids?" said RJ.
	Hammy scoffed. "The sugar wore off and they crashed. They're napping now. Amateurs."
	"Were you spying on us?" Heather asked with a naughty grin. She was actually a little excited by the idea.
	Hammy fidgeted a bit, then broke down in melodramatic tears. "I'm sorry, you guys! I know you wanted to be alone but I was curious what you were doing I thought maybe you were going to get more food and I wanted to come along and be helpful and then I saw you two getting all snuggly and I got jealous and hid behind the bush!!!"
	"Why did you feel jealous?" Heather asked gently.
	Hammy dried his eyes. "Um, um, um, I just thought you looked really happy, and I wished I could feel like that too."
	RJ couldn't help but smile. "It's okay. You're forgiven, Hammy."
	Heather nodded. "Yeah, you should've just said something! We don't mind if you join us."
	RJ stared at her, utterly flabbergasted. He kept himself from bellowing 'WHAAAAAAT!?' again, but his eyes said it clear enough.
	"Don't be such a party pooper, RJ!" Heather said. "C'mon. Let Hammy have fun with us!"
	"B-but I thought you just wanted this to be a you-and-me thing!"
	Heather shook her head. "Is this more human stuff? Sure I'd love for us to spend some quiet time alone together," she traced a heart shape with her finger in his fur, "but I'm not gonna send Hammy away feeling miserable!" She looked over to her squirrel friend, who was still standing there full of conflicting feelings. "I like you too, Hammy. I'd love for you to be with us."
	Hammy began to smile. "Really? You're sure?"
	"ARE we sure?" Heather asked RJ pointedly.
	He was about to argue, but sighed and decided not to. That would have been selfish. This was about Heather, after all. He'd even told her they could try anything she wanted.
	And really, what was wrong with Hammy joining in? They were friends, just like he and Heather were friends. Why shouldn't they show it in the same way? RJ pictured himself gathering up all the human thoughts in his head and stuffing them in a big trunk. "I'm sure." He turned to give Hammy a smile. "Come on over, buddy."
	Hammy zipped over like lightning and tackled RJ in a hug, bowling them several feet away. He nuzzled his raccoon friend all over. "Thanks, RJ!! This'll be great! I've had a crush on both of you for a long time anyway!"
	RJ sat up, surprised. "You've had a crush on *me*?"
	"Of course," Hammy said, his bright green eyes showing boundless affection. "You're handsome and strong and really smart. And you're my friend."
	RJ's heart melted. "And you're a sweetheart, Hammy." He hugged the little squirrel back and tried as best as he could to match Hammy's enthusiasm.
	Heather watched and was grinning ear to ear. "Awwwwww! You guys! That's so *cute*!!"
	RJ pretended to be insulted. "I'm not cute! I'm roguishly handsome!"
	"I'm cute!!!" Hammy proudly declared.
	"Yes, Hammy, you are indeed cute," RJ agreed. "I'm still roguishly handsome though."
	Hammy nodded.
	"Am *I* cute?" Heather asked with a giggle.
	"You sure are!" Hammy said, and was at her side in a flash to hug her too. "Mmmmmmm! You're really soft!"
	"Thanks!" She nuzzled her nose in his tail. "I _love_ this furry tail! Yours too, RJ! I wish mine was like that."
	"Ours might be fluffy, but we can't hang upside down from them," RJ pointed out as he joined them.
	Hammy concurred. "That's true. I tried it once and fell on Lou. I got a quill up my nose."
	RJ and Heather winced.
	Wanting to change the subject as soon as possible, RJ said to Heather, "Soooo, what now? You're the one calling the shots."
	Heather squirmed in ecstacy. "Wow, two hot guys to do anything I want with!"
	"She thinks I'm hot," Hammy bragged smugly to RJ.
	"Me too, pinecone-brain," RJ teased.
	Hammy blew a raspberry at him.
	Heather giggled. "Stop it, you two! We have some important snuggling to do!"
	Hammy saluted smartly. "Aye-aye, Cap'n!"
	Heather looked back and forth between the two of them. So many delicious possibilities... Then she hit on one that was not only naughty and exciting, it might help RJ loosen up a bit. "Okay, I've got an idea! Let's make a Ham sandwich!"
	"Oooh, ooh!" Hammy raised his hand. "Can mine be a fluffernutter instead?"
	"I mean _we'll_ be the sandwich," Heather clarified. "You can be in the middle, and me an' RJ will be on either side."
	"Ohhhhhhhhhhh. I get it now!"
	"Besides," RJ reminded, "The last time you had a fluffernutter you bounced straight through a plate glass window."
	"And I didn't feel a thing!" Hammy added proudly.
	"So, how should we do this?" RJ asked Heather. He was willing to just sit back and let her direct things. He trusted her, and Hammy, and he thought it would be good to stop being the leader for a while. Not everything had to be his way anyway.
	Heather pointed out what the boys should do. "Okay, RJ; stay there but lay down on your side. Hammy, you turn around and lie down too, between us, but with your head where our feet are."
	You could almost see the question mark pop up over Hammy's head. "Um, how can we mate like that?"
	"I was just wondering the same thing," RJ said.
	Heather blushed a little. "Well, I thought, we don't actually have to do the standard mating thing. We *are* just playing. I thought we could use our mouths instead."
	"Ooooooooo!" said Hammy.
	"I'm surprised," RJ said. "A few minutes ago, you didn't even know about the missionary position."
	"Is that what we were doing?" Heather asked. RJ nodded. "I don't get that, but whatever. I just, um, thought I'd try being creative. You suggested something new and different, so I thought..."
	"It's a great idea," RJ reassured her, giving her little black ear a nuzzle. "Sound good to you too, Hammy?"
	The little squirrel nodded vigorously. He looked back and forth between RJ and Heather's moist, fragrant sexes. "They both smell great! I don't know where to start!"
	"That's why I thought you could do both, and we'll concentrate on you," Heather said. "Now let's see what we're working with..." She reached out and ran her paw along Hammy's downy tummyfur. The squirrel shivered and chittered in bliss. She slipped her paw upwards (from her perspective) to lightly tickle the spot in between his sheath and balls.
	Like a cash register opening, Hammy's pinkness emerged.
	"Oooh, you found my nuts," he said with a grin.
	"Yowza," RJ could not help remarking. Even though Hammy was about half his size in stature, they were certainly equals in at least one department.
	Heather took a sniff. "Yum! It smells like... peanuts?"
	Hammy blushed a little. "Yeah. Um. I found a chocolate peanut butter cup this morning, and I... 'experimented'."
	RJ tried to picture that in his mind, and just couldn't. "Wow. I guess there *is* a wrong way to eat a Reese's."
	The raccoon stiffened suddenly when he felt a warm, fuzzy paw wrap around his penis.
	"RJ?" Hammy asked timidly. "Can I?"
	It did feel a little bizarre to be doing something like this with another male, but it was Hammy, his friend, and that made a lot of difference. "Go right ahead. Just watch the teeth! I wouldn't want to you accidentally bite it off," he joked.
	Hammy looked up, his green eyes wide in shock. "I would *never*...!"
	As hyper as Hammy was, RJ had seen plenty of times that the little squirrel could become perfectly serious when it came to those he cared about. He was as loyal as he was loving. "I know you wouldn't," RJ said as he skritched Hammy behind the ears. "I trust you."
	Hammy grinned. And with that permission, he opened his mouth as wide as a canyon and gulped RJ in one try.
	"HOOOO-WAH!" said RJ. "Wowie-wow-wow! Keep goin' Hammy!"
	"This is SO hot!!" Heather gushed.
	Hammy pulled away for a moment, licking his lips. "Yum! And I didn't forget you, Heather!" He swiveled around and drove his big velvety-furred nose into her cunny.
	"EEEEEEE-YOW!" said Heather.
	"Enthusiastic, isn't he?" RJ remarked. "You were right all along about inviting him."
	"Well then, let's be sure and thank him for it," Heather reminded him. She cupped Hammy's nuts in her paw and leaned in close to give his big pink penis a loving lick.
	Hammy's mouth was too full to really say anything, but he did make a loud noise, which vibrated inside Heather in a really arousing way!
	Heather licked her lips. "Mmmm! It's sweet! Try it, RJ!"
	RJ flinched and hesitated a little, but Hammy had done it without any reservations... The raccoon closed his eyes and pretended it was a popsicle.
	His eyes popped open. That wasn't so bad! "Hey, you're right!" he told Heather. "Tastes like..." He tossed the flavor around on his tongue. "...the entire contents of a supermarket, actually."
	"I 'experiment' a lot," Hammy sheepishly admitted. He changed the subject nicely by going back to RJ and making the raccoon's tail puff up in delight.
	"Holy moly!" RJ exclaimed.
	Heather stroked his cheek. "Thanks for being brave and trusting me, RJ. I'm sorry you were so scared before."
	He cupped her paw in his. "I just forgot my roots, that's all." He kissed her sweetly.
	Heather directed the kiss down so they were both pleasuring Hammy as they smooched. Hammy shivered and churred. He wrapped his fluffy tail around Heather, and pulled RJ's close so he could rest his neck on it.
	Then Hammy became a flurry of activity, switching back and forth between raccoon and possum, wanting to do everything he could for both of them to thank them for inviting him to share this. A lick here, a nibble there, a slurp there, a gobble here. It was like a game! A *tasty* game! Hammy had a very eclectic palate and loved trying new foods. RJ and Heather both had exciting and delicious flavors.
	Heather was in Heaven. She'd dreamed for the longest time about what her first mating season would be like, and this was *nothing* like what she'd dreamed! This was *better*! She never could have imagined getting both RJ and Hammy to mate with her as her first time. Sure she'd experimented at least as much as Hammy, using anything smooth and long enough to see what mating might feel like. This was a thousand times better. She'd never imagined the hugs, the kisses, the warmth of her partners, or the joy of sharing this with two of her very best friends. And this was only her first! There'd be plenty more time to try all sorts of things! And some day, when she met some hot male possum, there would be even more to look forward to. When she was ready.
	RJ blocked out all his thoughts and lost himself in the moment. The *sensations*. Everything was warm and moist and furry and amazing. To share this, with his newfound friends... He felt like the biggest loser idiot on the planet to have spent so long acting like all he ever needed was himself. Even though he'd gotten into it through some rather ignominious means, he knew he wouldn't want to leave his new family for anything in the world. No food, no material goods, could mean as much as this.
	Heather alternated between nibbling playfully along Hammy's cock with her sharp little teeth and giving RJ kisses all over his face. "This is even more fun than I'd imagined," she said dreamily.
	"I'll say!" Hammy heartily agreed. "Thanks, you guys! That feels really super-duper incredible!"
	"Ditto, Hammy!" RJ said. "Try concentrating a bit more on the tip though," he recommended.
	"Like this?" Hammy slurped just the very end of RJ's penis into his mouth and licked it all over, his tongue moving faster than a hummingbird.
	RJ positively _melted_. "Yeeeeah, that's it..."
	Hammy darted back to Heather and tried the same thing with her little button.
	Heather shrieked in ecstasy! "Oh, Hammy! Yeah! Keep doing that!!" Hammy was only too happy to. Heather shut her eyes tight and moaned. RJ took up her slack and kept Hammy's cock entertained.
	"Um, guys...?" Hammy paused just long enough to say.
	"Yesh Hammfee?" RJ said with his mouth full.
	"I think I'm gonna squirt my creme filling pretty soon!!"
	"Oh cool!" Heather said. "I've always wanted to see that!" She returned to pleasing Hammy as well. She and RJ did everything they could think of to make Hammy feel good.
	Suffice to say, it worked.
	A second later, Hammy was yodeling and RJ and Heather both found themselves with squirrel cum all over their muzzles.
	Heather licked her chops. "Wow, it really does taste like cream!"
	RJ tried some too. Not surprisingly, Hammy was so full of sugar, his cum was like the stuff inside a Cadbury egg. Grinning, he and Heather eagerly lapped up all the rest, even off Hammy's tummyfur.
	"Guys!! I'm ticklish!!" Hammy squealed. He squirmed around as RJ and Heather finished the snack he'd made for them.
	Realizing the only way to make them stop tickling them would be to make them cum too, Hammy went back to work. He went back and forth between them like a furry orange blur.
	"Whoa, Hammy!" RJ yelped.
	"Go, Hammy, go!!" Heather cheered.
	They both surrendered to the squirrel's tongue. Their backs arched, their tails tensed.
	Hammy didn't know which of them was going to squirt first, so he just kept going and hoped for the best.
	"I'm almost there!" Heather shouted.
	"Me too!"
	Without warning, both of them came at once, and Hammy was right in the middle.
	He ended up with both his ears full of sticky white stuff.
	He sat up. "That... feels... weird!"
	Heather gasped. "Oh, poor Hammy! Here, let us help you!" She took Hammy's arm and got him turned around so she could taste RJ's cum. She murred appreciatively.
	"Glad you like it," RJ said. He snuggled close to Hammy and tried some of Heather's. It wasn't what he expected, but he liked it a lot nevertheless.
	Hammy squirmed and fidgeted as the two tongues explored his ears. "Eep! Oh geez, that feels even *more* tickly! Don't stop though!"
	When Hammy's ears were squeaky clean, RJ flopped back down on the grass, totally bushed. He felt drained, sleepy, and almost glowing with happiness. "This was the best idea you've ever had, Heather."
	Hammy was barely able to stay sitting up. His grin was wide and dopey. "Yeah! That's the most fun I can remember in... as long as I can remember!"
	Heather was still bright-eyed and perky. "That's great! Thanks for everything, guys. You were both awesome. So, you ready for another round?"
	RJ and Hammy both stared at her as if she were out of her mind.
	"What?"

***

	After a careful explanation by RJ (with color commentary by Hammy) about how males needed a little time to 'reload' afterwards, Heather nodded in understanding and just stuck two fingers in her cunny for the time being. She diddled happily while the boys recuperated.
	Laid out flat on their backs as they tried to generate enough steam for a second go, RJ told Hammy what he and Heather had discussed earlier, about how humans viewed sex. Hammy found it both fascinating and a little frightening that they could believe such paradoxical things.
	"Okay, okay. This makes my brains hurt. Where do they get this stuff?"
	"Usually from a place called 'church'," RJ said.
	"What's that?"
	"It's basically a place where humans go so they can feel really, really, really guilty about everything that would otherwise come naturally to them."
	"But what do they get out of it?"
	RJ considered it. "Nothing, usually."
	Hammy twitched.
	"Well, sometimes it does fill them with a feeling that they're superior to everyone who goes to a *different* church."
	Hammy held his head in both paws. "Does not compute. Does not compute. Does not compute."
	RJ shrugged. "Hey, it doesn't compute for me either, but that's what they do. Oh, and apparently they also think that after they die, they get bird wings and their heads light up and they go live on a bunch of clouds."
	"Um, why would they want to do that?"
	"Beats me."
	"My mommy always said that after we die, we go to a place where the trees go on forever and nuts grow on *everything*!"
	"Really? I always assumed you just got eaten by maggots and those little beetle-y things."
	"You GUYS!!" Heather bellowed. "Quit it! I'm losing my buzz!" The possum had been vainly trying to masturbate the whole time, but nothing kills a mood like a theological discussion.
	"He asked," RJ said, pointing at Hammy.
	"Well, are you two ready again or what?" she asked.
	RJ looked down at his sheath. "I might be able to coax it out. Hammy?"
	"Wha?"
	RJ reached over and lightly grabbed his friend's fuzzy balls. "Ya in the mood yet?"
	Hammy giggled. RJ soon felt something long and warm in his palm.
	"He seems good to go," RJ remarked, still a little amazed at the size of the thing. "So, what should we do next?"
	Hammy perked up. "We could go root through some garbage!" he suggested.
	"I was asking Heather actually," RJ explained.
	"Oh. Right. Sorry."
	Heather laughed. "We can go garbage hunting tomorrow, Hammy. We've already got enough food for tonight, remember?"
	"Oh I don't care about the food, I just like looking at all the shiny, crinkly stuff!" Hammy enthused. "What do you wanna do, Heather?"
	She thought about it. Still so many scenarios to choose from! She wanted to try the basic mating position to see what it was like, but she also liked what she and RJ had been doing before Hammy showed up. 'Hey, wait!' she thought. She did some math: she had two holes, they had two dicks... "Okay guys, I wanna be the meat in the sandwich this time!"
	"A possum sandwich it is then!" RJ said, getting to his feet and stretching. When he looked down again, his penis was out in the sunshine and ready for fun.
	Hammy bounced over. "Can I be the mayonnaise?"
	Heather gave his weenie a squeeze. "No, the stuff that comes out of *here* can be the mayonnaise!" Hammy laughed and snuggled up to her, nuzzling at her neck and shoulder. Heather could feel his cock plump in her palm.
	She looked over to RJ. "Why don't you get behind me and take my tailhole. Yours is smoother, it should go in easier."
	RJ grinned and hugged her from behind. "You *are* getting creative!"
	"And Hammy," Heather instructed, "you just slip this big thing right in here."
	Hammy chittered blissfully. He was halfway there already, just waiting for her to give the signal. Hammy might have been a tad oblivious at times, but some things just came naturally. His penis touched Heather's honeypot and a shiver went down his spine.
	"Go slow at first," she reminded him.
	"Okay, Heather," he promised. Going slow at *anything* was difficult for him, but he loved Heather and would do anything to make her feel good.
	"You can jump in at any time, RJ," Heather said over her shoulder.
	"Sorry, just got caught up in watching," he said bashfully. Holding the possumette's plump hips, he guided his cock behind her, under her tail, and pressed gently. He encountered some resistance, so he licked his paw and slicked his cock as best he could. This time entry was much easier. Slowly, he brought himself closer to Heather until he was all the way in.
	Heather let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a sigh. Both RJ and Hammy were inside her! She could feel the warmth and girth of their two cocks filling her up in the most magical way. "That's _perfect_, guys! Oooh, just leave them there for a bit, it feels great!"
	Hammy tried to agree with her, but all he could manage was a husky stutter. "H-h-h-h-Heather! Oh w-w-wow!"
	RJ nuzzled her ears, breathing gently in them and smiling when they flickered. "Feels pretty great back here too."
	"I don't think I can keep still much longer!" Hammy warned, already starting to quiver.
	"Okay, Hammy, go ahead," Heather told him. "We're *all* supposed to be having fun!"
	"Right! Here I go!" Hammy started pumping with his usual enthusiasm. Heather gasped. His thrusts were so quick they were almost painful, but *very* exciting!
	RJ thrust a little as well, but Hammy was doing enough work for both of them. After a little trial and error he picked up the rhythm so he was sliding into Heather just as Hammy was sliding out.
	Heather moaned lustfully. Her tail coiled around RJ and held him tight. "Ohhh! RJ, Hammy, I love you both so much!"
	"We love you too, Heather," RJ said tenderly in her ear.
	"Yeah!" Hammy agreed, giving her several kisses and nuzzles everywhere he could reach.. "And I love you too, RJ!" The next thing the raccoon knew, Hammy was kissing him right on the lips!
	Stunned silent, RJ could only blink for a moment as Hammy gave him a brief but powerful smackeroo.
	Hammy was grinning as he ended the kiss, but looked worried when he saw RJ's face. "I'm sorry?" he said meekly.
	RJ shook himself back to normal. He saw Hammy's face and felt like a jerk again. "No, Hammy. Don't be sorry. You just surprised me."
	He reached a paw up to cup Hammy's cheek and brought the two of them together in another kiss; less dynamic, but completely sincere. "I love you too, Hammy. We'll always be friends."
	RJ had finally broken through the last of the humans' taboos and accepted that mating didn't have to be one and only way forever. Sure, he didn't want to settle down and raise kits with Hammy, but they were friends, and why not show that with a kiss? He didn't think a deep, romantic relationship with Heather would work out either, but why not help her enjoy her first mating season to its fullest? He loved her too, just as much. There was nothing wrong with this; friends sharing their love and making each other happy. Let the humans get uptight and moralize and drive themselves nuts with repressed feelings. He was a raccoon, dammit!
	RJ's smile was warm and peaceful as he held Heather close and touched noses with Hammy. He was happy.
	A moment later, he was even happier when he blasted a load of hot 'coon cum right inside Heather's tight hiney. She murred loud enough to hurt their ears and reached behind her to caress everything of RJ she could reach.
	A moment later, Hammy popped his nut too and made a variety of interesting sounds as he came.
	The three sticky mammals all relaxed into a pile of slowly-breathing fur in the late afternoon sun. They were quiet for a few minutes, just cuddling and sharing kisses and soft, loving whispers.
	"Let's do this again sometime soon," Heather suggested.
	Hammy smiled. "Maybe after we root through the trash cans tomorrow?"

***

	The trio headed back to the log soon afterwards, talking and laughing and being affectionate with their paws. When they arrived, they found that Stella had indeed protected the food, and had a rather amusing tale to tell of how she'd gotten rid of a crow who'd seemed particularly interested in their bounty.
	Verne, Ozzie and the porcupines arrived not too long after, just as the sun was beginning to set. They were all overjoyed to find the food RJ, Heather & Hammy had purloined for them, as their feet were sore from walking and the last thing they wanted to do was go search for food.
	Before they ate, RJ came up to Verne and gave him a hug. "Thanks for suggesting I stay behind today. I needed it."
	Verne smiled approvingly. "Well, good! You look better already. Less crazy and scheming than usual, at least."
	"Less, yes, but not completely!" RJ teased.
	"That's good too, I guess," Verne said. "We wouldn't want you to change all the way."
	RJ gave him a manly pat on the back that made his shell spin around 180 degrees. When he'd gotten it back on straight, the family began their meal.

***

	Hours later, the ten woodland critters were all sprawled out in front of their TV, bellies full and burbling. They looked like an assortment of furry sports balls.
	Glancing up at the moon, Lou said, "Alright, looks like bedtime."
	Bucky, Quillo and Spike all groaned with disappointment.
	"But 'World's Most One-Sided Fistfights' is on in ten minutes!" Spike pointed out.
	"That, my little friend, is what Tivo is for," RJ said, handing the remote over.
	"Sweet!"
	As the li'l porcupines clustered around the remote and gave it instructions, the other animals heaved themselves vertical and began dragging themselves off to the log and slumberland.
	When no one else was watching, Hammy darted up to RJ. "I liked being with you and Heather today," he said. "It was more fun than stealing girl scout cookies!" He planted a quick smooch on RJ's cheek and sped off like the wind, giggling.
	RJ touched his cheek and chuckled. His mind filled with thoughts of all the new fun he and Hammy could share together soon.
	Before settling down for the night, RJ took a brief walk in the moonlight to find a place to drain the anaconda in private. As he piddled, he looked around him at this patch of forest that had become his home, and it struck him that it wouldn't be home for much longer. Verne had said during dinner that he had some ideas, but they hadn't found a spot yet that met all their needs. RJ wasn't worried though. Verne had led the family for a long time before he'd shown up. The turtle had done a pretty good job of it too. RJ didn't mind standing to the side and trusting Verne's judgment on this.
	RJ heard a rustle behind him just as he was finishing up. "Hello?"
	"Hi," Heather said softly as she stepped into the moonlight. It made her fur glow beautifully.
	RJ came over and Heather gave him a grateful hug. "I just wanted to thank you again. Today was better than I ever imagined."
	He ran his paw through her fur. "You're welcome. And thank you too. You know, for helping me not be such a stick-in-the-mud anymore."
	She giggled. "You were never a stick-in-the-mud. You just forgot your roots and needed help remembering them, like you said. And thanks too for letting me help raid the barbecue. Dad was really proud of me when I told him I made that human throw up all by myself."
	"I wish I could've been there to see it," RJ said fondly. He held her paw. "Hey, I'm not tired yet. Want to just walk a bit and enjoy the night?"
	She smiled. "I'd like that."
	The raccoon and possum did just that, walking quietly, paw in paw, not saying anything. It was a pretty night. Just right for thinking happy thoughts and watching the fireflies go by.
	Fairly soon though, they began to hear odd noises in the distance.
	"What do you think that could be?" Heather asked. "It almost sounds like someone's hurt."
	"We'd better go check."
	RJ led the way. The closer they got, the clearer the sounds became, until there was no mistaking that someone else was out here 'enjoying the night' in a much more vigorous manner. Unable to resist just a little peek to see who it was, Heather and RJ poked their heads through the foliage, into a moonlit clearing.
	Neither of them could believe it.
	"Stella!?" RJ gasped.
	"DAD!?" Heather yelped.
	The mustelid and the marsupial were indeed making whoopee. And in the traditional mating position, too. Stella stopped and gave the two interlopers a withering look. Ozzie blushed six shades of red. "Oh! Gee, hi there, honey. What are you doing up so late?"
	She hid a giggle behind her paws. "I guess I don't have to ask you the same thing!"
	"I thought you were sick of men forever?" RJ couldn't resist teasing Stella.
	"Hey, *you* were the ones who told me to get over it!" She got up from all fours and turned to give Ozzie a hug. "Here I was trying to find someone who didn't mind me being a skunk, and he was right in front of my nose the whole time."
	"Wow, good for you!" Heather cheered. "So, are you two, like, officially an item now?"
	"We'll see," Stella said. "For now, I just want some company."
	"And I'm happy to provide it," Ozzie told her lovingly.
	RJ nudged Heather. "Let's give these two some privacy, eh?"
	She nodded and turned to go, but not before calling back over her shoulder, "Way to go, Dad!"
	Ozzie waved bye-bye. "Thanks, sweetiemuffin! See you in the morning!" He turned back to Stella and gave her a kiss. "Now see? They don't mind, and I'm sure the others won't either."
	She sighed. "You're right. I guess I was embarrassed for nothing."
	He gave her a nuzzle with his wide nose. "Now, where were we, my stinky little fireball?"
	Stella playfully glared at him. "Ooh, you bad thing! What am I gonna do with you?"
	"Screw me silly, I hope," he suggested.
	And they did.




	The End
	for now...



*****
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Wow, it was fun writing fanfiction again! I haven't done any in quite a while. I wrote this not only because I recently acquired a copy of Over The Hedge on DVD and fell in love with all the characters again, but because I haven't written much of anything in a while and I wanted to do something light and fluffy to prove to myself I could still _finish_ something. I don't know if I'll do any more yiffy adventures with these guys, but I enjoyed writing this story a lot. So, maybe...

"The Barbecue Job" Started 01/11/07, finished 01/15/07, editing completed 01/18/07